Bilingual (who wishes she were trilingual) with lots to say about everything.
23.12.10
I'm home!
Around ten they would be exhausted but still cradling the "favorite" amongst that year's haul. They'd play with these toys for weeks! But because they're almost eight, this magic is slowly waning. A day ago I had to make the eldest write a letter to Santa because he hadn't even written one. Both my boyfriend and I guilted him into it. "Santa doesn't give presents to kids who don't send letters!" one of us said. "Yeah, I sent mine by email weeks ago." Unwilling at first, he finally asked with some trepidation, "Is it gonna get there on time...?"I smiled and assured him I'd send it priority mail.
The other brother, much more innocent for a lot of different reasons, is still safe from the daunting reality of parents being Santa. But the other is, I'm sure, on his last Christmas as a "believer." I guess I'll have to watch The Polar Express with him until he can't take it any more. ;D
But for now I feel as if my babies are growing up too fast for me (and trust me, college does not help one bit). I wonder if this is how moms feel when a crucial age is passed. When kids stop believing in things like Santa and the Tooth Fairy. For now, I'll enjoy every moment to the fullest. Every smile and laugh and wonder-filled eyes as they gaze at the things the mystical and jolly old man left them.
Maybe next year it won't be the same. Maybe he'll find the presents stashed in mom's closet. Maybe one of his friends will tell him. Either way, I've reached a conclusion. Growing up is difficult. Watching your brothers or children grow up is worse. However, curiosity will always exist, happiness, wonder and a little innocence. I'll just have to enjoy it in different ways.
Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays/Happy Anythingyoubelievein!
And, as a funny little quip: http://isitchristmas.com/
Song of the moment: "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" -Bright Eyes
19.12.10
18.12.10
No. Comment. (lol)
14.12.10
10.12.10
The Vagina Monologues.
9.12.10
7.12.10
Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up...
12.8.10
8.7.10
Some things are better left unsaid.
To say that one of my fears was realized is an understatement... And, as of right now, I'm in between this vast chasm of feelings. I'm angry, because my trust was betrayed and because of how hypocritical this has all seemed. I'm more or less appeased because I was the one chosen, the one loved, the one whom which a future can be foreseen. And yet I don't feel completely happy. I feel like there's more to the puzzle. There's more to figure out. There's more trust to be taken away.
I guess these feelings come from being vastly insecure in some aspects.
Why? Is one question that comes to mind. My Latina blood screams for revenge, to hurt that bastard, to make him feel what he made me feel and, yet, I don't have the energy for it. I feel like my love for him makes me not want to hurt him as he did me. That sounds horrible, doesn't it? I feel like I'm not respecting myself. But, respecting myself would mean losing him -something I also don't want to go through.
So, I'm giving up self-respect for a relationship I feel good in. Somehow, I don't know if this is such a good trade-off for a man who not only cheated but didn't trust me enough. What am I supposed to do? At least he chose me. But he also never planned on telling me. Which... brings me to this blog's title. Are things better left unsaid? If you think about the big picture, then yes. There are things people just aren't ready to deal with. But what if a relationship is at stake? Someone's feelings? Someone's happiness? When should we draw the line?
Lying is a dangerous game to play.
You will most likely be found out. In which case, why do it in the first place? When I asked this question, the answer I received was "fear". Somehow... I don't think this is a sufficiently robust answer -given the situation. Or, if you think about it, any situation. Fear shouldn't be a driving point to someone's lying. That's just another pathetic excuse that falls into the same queue as all the others.
And, once someone is found out, what should one believe? Should one just assume that everything is a lie begging to appease its listener? For some, my approach to this could seem almost cold, stringent. Yet... as I stated above, when am I supposed to draw the line? Is there a line? The world is full of lies and its liars and we have to live amongst that and sift through all the twisting lines and have faith. We just have to believe what we are being told is, indeed, a truth. We can't prove otherwise, can we? Not until it's too late to completely fix a situation.
Which begs the question.... Is it ever too late to fix something?
Gabs
Song of the moment: "The Blower's Daughter" -Damien Rice
4.7.10
Americana
Ever since that summer morning, I’ve been puzzling over what pulls people to act a certain way towards things they are ignorant of and I cannot think of one reason to excuse such a behavior. I puzzle because I think back to what I was taught in Ethics, in History, even in English: America is a melting pot. This idea of cultures coming together, melting and molding, paints a beautiful picture of people being able to accept and promote difference and understanding between each other. Nevertheless, history has also shown us how widely idealistic this idea of a “Melting Pot” really is. Racism, tension, even violence, has tainted a fading ideal and yet it still doesn’t stop people from searching for the Utopian “American Dream”.
We are searching for that dream because we truly believe it to exist –even in the simplest of ways. People work through racism and marginalization because they believe in a better future that, in many ways, entails working through the insults with a brave and unwavering face. As long as the yearning for the “American Dream” continues to exist, the melting pot will continue to expand and meld into an amorphous mass of whites, blacks, yellows and browns and there will come a point where people won’t be able to distinguish between what they deem as right and the aspects of mankind society has deemed as wrong. And in the face of such adversity, I shout loud and proud, “I am ‘Americana’ ”.
Hoping to get the job I applied for!
Gabs
Song of the moment: "Fidelity" by Regina Spektor
10.6.10
Chocolate Chip Cookies.
Dealing with people is just like dealing with volatile ingredients such as baking powder. Pour too much into the batter and something horrible could happen. The same thing happens with people, say something wrong or do something that, in their eyes, is bad, and something just as terrible could happen. Let's face it, we're as complicated as a 7-tier, fondant-covered, sugar flower-decorated, chocolate and raspberry-filled wedding cake. See how difficult?
And yet, just like the brownies, cookies and mouse I have just prepared (God, I need a job), you can't go into projects with fear. You can't be afraid to tell someone something just for the possibly distant fear that it might upset them in the long run. We might not be as strong as hardened caramel, but we're built to overcome most of anything. You keep something inside too long and it might just make you collapse faster than a soufflé near too much noise.
Food analogies aside, the real lesson to this is that you can't, for the sake of simple sanity, allow yourself to become bottled up with emotions. People are indeed difficult but so is making a delicate checkerboard cookie. Toil and labor for your aims. Make a mistake or two! Who knows. Maybe you'll end up with a great result. A wonderful dessert for you to share.
Bonne chance!
Gabs
Song of the Moment: "Always on My Mind" -Michael Bublé
1.6.10
Looking ahead.
Check out what the college website told me:
- Take a first-year seminar either in the fall or spring. Most of these are writing-intensive and also fulfill a distribution requirement. All first-year seminars are 4-credit courses.
- Take a course each semester in a subject you like and have studied successfully in the past.
- Take a course each semester in a completely new subject.
- Take at least two courses that will meet distribution or College requirements.
- Take a physical education course (PE) in your first year. A total of six PE units are required to graduate. PE units are not counted as academic credits.
- Make sure your courses are spread out reasonably throughout the week. We also encourage you to balance your course work with cocurricular activities, community service, and exercise.
I think (maybe it's just me) this is just too much information. And let's look at the requirements:
- Group I—Humanities
Three courses from three different disciplines are required from Group I, including at least one course from each of the following two subgroups—A and B.
A. Arts, language, and literature: art, classics, dance, English, film studies, French, German studies, Greek, Italian, Latin, music, Russian, Spanish, theatre arts, or an interdisciplinary course in arts and literature.
B. History, philosophy, religion, or an interdisciplinary course in this area.
- Group II—Science and Mathematics
Two courses from two different disciplines are required from Group II, including at least one laboratory course in a natural or physical science; both courses may be laboratory science courses.
- Mathematics, statistics, computer science, or an interdisciplinary course in this area.
- Natural and physical sciences: astronomy, biological sciences, chemistry, geology, physics, or an interdisciplinary course in the natural and physical sciences. (A few science courses are available without labs, but only one non-lab course may count toward the Group II distribution).
- Group III—Social Sciences
Two courses from two different disciplines are required from Group III: Anthropology, economics, geography, politics, psychology, sociology, or an interdisciplinary course in the social sciences.
Can you hear my brain short-circuiting? Oh yeah. And, I know, this drama might come from my actress-like tendencies but, seriously! And I've also been given an ultimatum by my mother: "Get good grades or come back home." Puerto Rico is a pretty long ways away (for me) from Massachusetts people!! But taking "easy" courses are not in the plan.
However, my choices so far are amazingly safe: French 101, Art History, International Politics and... still unclear about that third course. It'll probably be something I'm hilariously bad at (like Statistics) so I can scrape off requirements. God. The future scares me.
Happy Glee Tuesday!
Song of the moment: "Put Your Records On" -Corinne Bailey Rae
25.5.10
Eureka!
I am in love with a fairytale.
It took me about three years, three trips to Europe, two fateful meetings, and one friend that knows me all too well to get me to realize this but now that I finally have, my mind is somewhat clearer. To my friends, this story must sound like Lady GaGa's "Alejandro" on repeat. I've been in love with him since the beginning, and, for many different reasons, I think I always will be.
I think it has something to do with first loves...
You never really forget them, do you? They stand like mountains in the back of your mind, hanging on with unseen roots. You always come back to them in some way and, if the love was truly as strong, you look for them in every other one you meet. And even if they break your heart, you'll go back to them. You want them in your life. You'll stoop down until your dignity is hanging precariously between shame and sanity.
"The Russian".
In true honesty, "The Russian" has been the butt, face and bellybutton of many jokes among my friends. This is mostly due to how he's treated me but it is, somehow, heightened by my supposed blind faith in an idea. An idea, I say, because we've been in the same room a combined total of maybe 15hrs. Actually, maybe less. And still the longing remains.
The "fairytale".
I idealized him and I idealized us. I lost track of reality. But it seems reality has finally struck. I imagine the course of our relationship as a giant Venn Diagram. One circle, me, the other circle, him. We live different lives, exist in different realities... except for that one clear moment where our paths cross. However, sooner or later, our wildly different lives will separate us into a whirlwind of experiences none can really relate to.
We're friends.
If you can call it that. Sometimes I feel like conversations are forced, awkward. But... Like I said, anything to have him there. And it is these times that I choke most on my feelings. You can't just whisper a hesitant, "I still love you." over a computer screen.
A fairytale because nothing will ever come from whatever it is I think I'm sharing with him. It's unreal yet real. A small glimmer of truth in an ocean of dreams.
Song of the moment: "I Dreamed a Dream" -Les Miz
24.5.10
The poem I fell in love with...
The Look
by Sara Teasdale
Song of the moment: "You're Not Alone" -Saosin
20.5.10
The four words no guy wants to hear.
Really, such a simple sentence -phrase, even- shouldn't have that much weight. But, to the guy I'm currently pseudo-dating, saying that was a very bad mistake. Although he swears upon everything that it doesn't matter, his face just as I said it told the real story. His eyes wide, his jaw slightly slack, he stuttered out a small, "Ok..." and went on his way (he was leaving my house, after all.).
What's with the stigma of "saving yourself"? I understand that this decision comes tied with a big religious connotation but what about those of us who'd rather just stay safe, away from the glaring eye of an unplanned pregnancy or a damaging disease? What if you're simply not ready?
The pressures for a girl to "put out" for a guy are just ridiculous nowadays. And this is coming from an eighteen-year old who grew up in a pretty sheltered society. I shudder to think about all those girls who don't have nice boys around to respect them. The ones who are having sex at thirteen because it's "cool" and will make them popular. The ones who get used and tossed and ostracized either because they did eventually give in to the whims of someone else, or because they decided to stand by their beliefs.
And that's the funny thing, we live in a society where it's OK to have sex, be sexy, be lose. The media teaches its audience, "Hey, it's OK to have sex! It's OK to be a teenage mother! Look at Britney's sister! Look at those "Pregnancy Pact" girls! They did it and they couldn't be happier. They're even getting out attention." This attention, my friends, is being given to the wrong issues.
For me, that one-minute exchange left me feeling confused and a little hurt. But I know that he'll respect me because he's just that kind of person. However, for hundreds of other girls, there might not be a happy ending. They might be black-listed because they said no, or black-listed because they said yes. They might commit suicide if the pressure is too strong, they might break and ruin their lives forever. Whatever the case may be, the ultimate problem is that there isn't a half-way point. In high school, it's either one or the other. In real life, it's pretty much the same deal -except maybe without so much awful drama.
Confused. Disappointed with society.
Gabs
Song of the moment: "The River of Dreams" -Billy Joel
18.5.10
The curious case of the StumbleUpon button.
It's almost a reflex action to find even more interesting things. For example:
- http://wildammo.com/2009/09/26/national-flags-never-tasted-this-good/
- http://www.listal.com/list/m-p-t-t-t
- http://www.armchaircommentary.com/2009/11/if-star-wars-luke-skywalker-han-solo-had-facebook.html
- http://readersupportednews.com/godot
- http://www.boredpanda.com/25-photorealistic-pictures-drawn-with-a-bic-pen/ (yes, there are naked people on this site, chill out*)
- http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2009/8/26/772918/-*Awesome*-Cartoon-Explains-Public-Plan
- http://www.blog.exxcorpio.com/2009/06/29/12-awesome-french-short-animations/
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9CQDKt8LVo&feature=player_embedded#
Battles:
boredom.
listlessness.
Aids:
procrastination to the nth degree.
*On an important note, I don't know if it's me or something, but I seem to get way too many naked girls. And they always turn out either Russian or Eastern European. Weird... Unnecessary. Unavoidable. (if, in the personal settings you choose "Photography" as an interest)
So if you're ever in the mood, stumble. Like it. Spend hours surfing the vast reaches of the internet.
'Till next time.
Song of the moment: "The Sound of Silence" -Simon and Garfunkel
The odyssey begins.
Hi! I'm Gabriella (maybe I should be using some sort of pseudonym...) and I'm a college freshman-to-be at X College in Somewhere, Massachusetts (for fear of retribution from X College, it shall be named as such). Current interests expand from spending days on end in museums (I just love the smell of old paint) to fiddling with my ukulele (which I can't play as well as my best friend). I'm interested in politics and England, art, literature and History. I wish I could speak French and fancy myself a fiction writer.
For now, I'm sure I don't really have readers but welcome. This is a place where I'm going to unload all my feelings into. Rant about my interesting love life (trust me, it's interesting -lol. ;D). Rant about politics in Puerto Rico (SURPRISE! I'm a Latina.). And use you as a test audience for my articles/poems/stories/songs/everything. What do you think? What do you want me to talk about? Comments and opinions required, admired and desired.
Nice to meet you! :D
Gabs


